Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Birthdays, D&C and still recovering...

Happy Birthday Ladybug!
My baby girl turned 2...I can't believe it! She's smart, stubborn, confident and best of all, the comedian of our little family! There are days that she makes me want to pull my hair out and the next, she's all smiles and wants nothing more than to make us all smile and laugh. Luckily, she keeps us smiling more than anything and no matter what, at the end of the day, she's perfect and I wouldn't change anything about her. A month later I turned 38, I can't believe that either! It's been a rough 6 months but my birthday made most of it fade away. I had an amazing few days with family and friends, eating, laughing and even enjoyed a day at Disneyland with my family, it was perfect. Then a few days later, reality set in again.

My HCG never made it to zero. It finally made it to 8 and then BAM, back up to 32! My Gyno was shocked and at a loss for words. We were so close! I was still not feeling well, still having irregular bleeding and feeling like this was never going to end. It was time for a D&C. Things had taken their course long enough, it was time to end it once and for all. It wasn't ideal but I'd had enough.

My Gyno decided it was best if I had a Hysteroscopy to get a better look at my uterus but agreed that it would be followed up by a D&C even if we didn't find anything. I didn't want to go through any of it and I couldn't believe I was going down this path after all these months but feeling so miserable was even worse.

When the time arrived, my husband drove me to the hospital. I was given some anxiety medication, signed consent forms and then waited for the anxiety medication to kick in, which thankfully didn't take long. A doctor I'd never met was taking care of me and she seemed very thorough and calm, something that was very reassuring. Unfortunately, everything after our short talk seemed to take forever and the pain kept coming. Vaginal shots, cervix dilation and what felt like countless scopes and tubes being prodded and no amount of talking or words of encouragement helped. I've heard how horrifically painful D&C's can be and frankly, it was the easiest part! My husband was sitting next to me the entire time, comforting me and at times his expressions gave me a sort of heads up for the pain I was about to experience.

We watched everything on a small TV. Found the opening to the fallopian tube on my right side, the scar where the opening for my left tube used to be and then nothing but a very healthy uterus. Nothing to indicate why my HCG wasn't going down, nothing to explain why I was still feeling so miserable...nothing. Everything looked healthy and perfect. Usually that would feel reassuring but this time I felt exhausted...there weren't any obvious answers. I needed answers and quick solutions. We proceeded with the D&C anyways, at my Gynos request, followed by more prodding, more severe pain and a cup filled half full with blood that we hoped would solve everything. The doctor left me with some comforting words and sent me home to rest.

A few days later I received an email letting me know I was completely healthy...no cancer, no precancerous tissue or even leftover pregnancy tissue was detected. We followed up with another HCG test the next day and finally...zero! It's only been 11 days and I guess I'm slowly feeling better. Even with the results, my Gyno is convinced that there was simply a tiny piece of pregnancy tissue leftover from one of my recent miscarriages. Even the most microscopic piece can linger and cause problems. Through all of this, we still have to wait. Wait for my periods to normalize again, hope all of this worked and then in 3 months, if I'm crazy enough, we can try again. For now, I'm taking things day to day, enjoying my family and doing what I can to feel "normal" again...the rest will have to wait.

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